I am a Puzzle made of Quirks and Faults

I'm going to attempt to explain a bit about myself by showing you some of the socially frowned upon aspects of myself that deem me as different. Honestly a lot of these parts of myself I wouldn't give up for the world, only improve upon.

I am consistently labeled as a 'Goober' and a 'Dork'. 

This includes friends and foes alike. I did not view these terms as negative originally, they are different and people love to be different, right? But over time they have started to hurt a bit. Just like how being called 'cute' has become an unprefered term to me. I have found people like the 'cute' girl but the type of girl they really want to be with is a 'beautiful' one. 'Cute' and 'beautiful' generally don't go hand in hand.

I wear childish shirts and shoes, sing Disney songs dramatically, have an awkward chipmunk like smile with chipped front teeth, a collector of silly attention diverting hats, I still own a pair of LA Gear light-up shoes and I have a tendency to dye my hair many different colors on a whim. All of these factors are me, I refuse to give them up.

I currently weigh 150 lbs. 

I have a tummy and I have a quite large... gluteus maximus. 

The most aggravating factor about this is that I live in Los Angeles. Girls here are either fat or skinny, there is no room for a gray area. Here I am 'fat', people try to use sugared phrases like 'big' or 'curvy'. I do my best to ignore it. 

I don't feel 'fat' but my body type is certainly different then most women. Deep down, I like my curves but I often find myself yearjng for a body type I can never have. I envy petite girls, they can wear almost anything and work it. People (especially in the workplace) really do cater more to the skinny women. I work in an office environment related to film and the music industry, there is a noticeable hierarchy where pay level and job titles go hand in hand with body types.

I am starting to embrace my 'curvatious' side more. The fact that I used to be much larger is one reason. By about 20 lbs and it was a dramatic difference. I am comfortable with my current weight but still have a weight loss goal. I want to be happy with myself without having to live up to anyone else's standards.

I am polyamourous.

Obviously, this is something lot of people find wrong and irresponsible. As a recent change in my life, it was really something I have known was a right for me since I was in high school. I truly believe that people are capable of loving more then one person at a time without invalidating or creating a hierarcy within their love life. It has the same ups and downs as monogamous relationships and just like all relationships, each is completely different.

I have had many monogamous relationships in the past and have no disrespect for them. I appreciated my past relationships and would definetly be able to live that way again if that was ever required of me. 

My boyfriend, so far, is not polyamourous. I would classify his love life more as simply open. Which adds an odd dynamic, our goals and emotions with the people we date are different. Despite this, he has been exceedingly understanding and accepting of my poly side in his own way.

We originally had a strictly open relationship which was fun but my hook-ups became more long term and felt much more then friends-with-benefits. Many would eventually cause emotional confusion for both parties and then go quite sour very quickly.

I will continue to share this part of my life more later, I'm sure. As it is a new and major part of my life.

I'm an introvert that can't stand being alone. And I am terrified of change.

Maybe this is more common then I realize. I dwell on this a bit more in a separate post and I highly recommend seeing Louis CK's bit about why he hates smartphones which he did on the Conan Show. It really hits home about how we are always scared of being lonely.

I hate crowds, mostly due to the overwhelming noise. I spend most of my time in bars or other loud places wishing to go home and chill out. One on one conversations are also a bit challenging for me, I find I have a rude habit of absent mindedly walking away from people when I have nothing else to contribute or can't find anything else to say. It's a very bad habit of mine and has been most damaging to me when I pull this stunt at work. Most of the time I don't even realize I've done until it's too late. 

Yet after my respites from social interaction, almost immediately, I feel a compulsory need to be near, around and connecting to other people. I constantly reach out via text messages; which feels more like fishing for interest or attention sometimes.

And finally...

I can't hula hoop. 

No, seriously... I have tried for years as a child and as a adult. If I can successfully spin a hoop for five spins, I do a happy jig after it sadly clatters to the floor. Out of everything on this list, I find this fact the most embarrassing. I get up before my boyfriend some days to practice because I fear how much he will ridicule me when he sees how ridiculous I look (and depending on the hula hoop, how much noise I am making).